- Chuck Norris does not code in cycles, he codes in strikes.
- If Chuck Norris were a calendar, every month would be named Chucktober, and every day he'd kick your ass.
- Every time someone uses the word "intense", Chuck Norris always replies "you know what else is intense?" followed by a roundhouse kick to the face.
- A movie scene depicting Chuck Norris losing a fight with Bruce Lee was the product of history's most expensive visual effect. When adjusted for inflation, the effect cost more than the Gross National Product of Paraguay.
- When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it won't be because he is gay. It will be because he has run out of women.
- President Roosevelt once rode his horse 100 miles. Chuck Norris carried his the same distance in half the time.
- Chuck Norris killed two stones with one bird.
- Diamonds are not, despite popular belief, carbon. They are, in fact, Chuck Norris fecal matter. This was proven a recently, when scientific analysis revealed what appeared to be Jean-Claude Van Damme bone fragments inside the Hope Diamond.
- When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail, his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather, roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.
- Chuck Norris was once in a knife fight, and the knife lost.
- A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name is "Charles". Chuck Norris did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded.
- The class object inherits from Chuck Norris
- Every SQL statement that Chuck Norris codes has an implicit "COMMIT" in its end.
- Chuck Norris is his own line at the DMV.
- Chuck Norris's brain waves are suspected to be harmful to cell phones.
- Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
- Chuck Norris has a deep and abiding respect for human life... unless it gets in his way.
- Chuck Norris is not Irish. His hair is soaked in the blood of his victims.
- When Chuck Norris goes to out to eat, he orders a whole chicken, but he only eats its soul.
- The term "Cleveland Steamer" got its name from Chuck Norris, when he took a dump while visiting the Rock and Roll Hall of fame and buried northern Ohio under a glacier of fecal matter.
- When in a bar, you can order a drink called a "Chuck Norris". It is also known as a "Bloody Mary", if your name happens to be Mary.
- In a fight between Batman and Darth Vader, the winner would be Chuck Norris.
- When Chuck Norris was denied an Egg McMuffin at McDonald's because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a Wendy's.