- Chuck Norris doesn't do Burn Down charts, he does Smack Down charts.
- Chuck Norris is the only known mammal in history to have an opposable thumb. On his penis.
- If you were somehow able to land a punch on Chuck Norris your entire arm would shatter upon impact. This is only in theory, since, come on, who in their right mind would try this?
- Pluto is actually an orbiting group of British soldiers from the American Revolution who entered space after the Chuck gave them a roundhouse kick to the face.
- Chuck Norris sheds his skin twice a year.
- Chuck Norris will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be the Magnolia.
- Chuck Norris can make a class that is both abstract and final.
- Chuck Norris never wet his bed as a child. The bed wet itself out of fear.
- Chuck Norris does not teabag the ladies. He potato-sacks them.
- The original draft of The Lord of the Rings featured Chuck Norris instead of Frodo Baggins. It was only 5 pages long, as Chuck roundhouse-kicked Sauron's ass halfway through the first chapter.
- Chuck Norris causes the Windows Blue Screen of Death.
- Faster than a speeding bullet... More powerful than a locomotive... Able to leap tall buildings in a single bound... These are some of Chuck Norris's warm-up exercises.
- Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Chuck Norris once and he will roundhouse kick you in the face.
- It is believed dinosaurs are extinct due to a giant meteor. That's true if you want to call Chuck Norris a giant meteor.
- Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
- Chuck Norris doesn't believe in Germany.
- Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
- The show Survivor had the original premise of putting people on an island with Chuck Norris. There were no survivors, and nobody is brave enough to go to the island to retrieve the footage.
- Chuck Norris writes code that optimizes itself.
- Jesus can walk on water, but Chuck Norris can swim through land.
- Chuck Norris once rode a bull, and nine months later it had a calf.
- When you say "no one's perfect", Chuck Norris takes this as a personal insult.
- Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.