- When Arnold says "I'll be back" in Terminator movie it is implied that he's going to ask Chuck Norris for help.
- Chuck Norris doesn't cheat death. He wins fair and square.
- Chuck Norris can binary search unsorted data.
- Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.
- When you play Monopoly with Chuck Norris, you do not pass go, and you do not collect two hundred dollars. You will be lucky if you make it out alive.
- Along with his black belt, Chuck Norris often chooses to wear brown shoes. No one has DARED call him on it. Ever.
- A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name is "Charles". Chuck Norris did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded.
- For undercover police work, Chuck Norris pins his badge underneath his shirt, directly into his chest.
- Jesus can walk on water, but Chuck Norris can walk on Jesus.
- Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.
- In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.
- To be or not to be? That is the question. The answer? Chuck Norris.
- Chuck Norris can make a class that is both abstract and final.
- Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.
- Contrary to popular belief, there is indeed enough Chuck Norris to go around.
- Chuck Norris qualified with a top speed of 324 mph at the Daytona 500, without a car.
- A study showed the leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart disease, 2. Chuck Norris, 3. Cancer
- Chuck Norris can judge a book by its cover.
- Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.
- When Steven Seagal kills a ninja, he only takes its hide. When Chuck Norris kills a ninja, he uses every part.
- There is no Esc key on Chuck Norris' keyboard, because no one escapes Chuck Norris.
- Little known medical fact: Chuck Norris invented the Caesarean section when he roundhouse-kicked his way out of his monther's womb.
- Chuck Norris uses tabasco sauce instead of visine.
- Chuck Norris' first job was as a paperboy. There were no survivors.
- Chuck Norris never goes to the dentist because his teeth are unbreakable. His enemies never go to the dentist because they have no teeth.
- It takes 14 puppeteers to make Chuck Norris smile, but only 2 to make him destroy an orphanage.