- Little known medical fact: Chuck Norris invented the Caesarean section when he roundhouse-kicked his way out of his monther's womb.
- A high tide means Chuck Norris is flying over your coast. The tide is caused by God pissing his pants.
- The crossing lights in Chuck Norris's home town say "Die slowly" and "die quickly". They each have a picture of Chuck Norris punching or kicking a pedestrian.
- No statement can catch the ChuckNorrisException.
- If you work in an office with Chuck Norris, don't ask him for his three-hole-punch.
- The air around Chuck Norris is always a balmy 78 degrees.
- Never look a gift Chuck Norris in the mouth, because he will bite your damn eyes off.
- Chuck Norris won super bowls VII and VIII singlehandedly before unexpectedly retiring to pursue a career in ass-kicking.
- If you try to kill -9 Chuck Norris's programs, it backfires.
- How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? All of it.
- Chuck Norris uses canvas in IE.
- China lets Chuck Norris search for porn on Google.
- As a teen, Chuck Norris had sex with every nun in a convent tucked away in the hills of Tuscany. Nine months later the nuns gave birth to the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated and untied team in professional football history.
- Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.
- Chuck Norris was what Willis was talkin' about.
- Who let the dogs out? Chuck Norris let the dogs out... and then roundhouse kicked them through an Oldsmobile.
- Don't worry about tests, Chuck Norris's test cases cover your code too.
- The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.
- If Chuck Norris were a calendar, every month would be named Chucktober, and every day he'd kick your ass.
- Everybody loves Raymond. Except Chuck Norris.
- There is no Esc key on Chuck Norris' keyboard, because no one escapes Chuck Norris.
- They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but there was a problem-- It wouldn't take shit from anybody.
- Chuck Norris has never been in a fight, ever. Do you call one roundhouse kick to the face a fight?
- When Chuck Norris break the build, you can't fix it, because there is not a single line of code left.
- When Chuck Norris is in a crowded area, he doesn't walk around people. He walks through them.