- Chuck Norris doesnt wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.
- Chuck Norris likes his ice like he likes his skulls: crushed.
- Chuck Norris' house has no doors, only walls that he walks through.
- Chuck Norris compresses his files by doing a flying round house kick to the hard drive.
- "It works on my machine" always holds true for Chuck Norris.
- If tapped, a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick could power the country of Australia for 44 minutes.
- Chuck Norris can be unlocked on the hardest level of Tekken. But only Chuck Norris is skilled enough to unlock himself. Then he roundhouse kicks the Playstation back to Japan.
- Chuck Norris doesn't use a computer because a computer does everything slower than Chuck Norris.
- Chuck Norris knows the last digit of PI.
- When Arnold says "I'll be back" in Terminator movie it is implied that he's going to ask Chuck Norris for help.
- When God said, "let there be light", Chuck Norris said, "say 'please'."
- Chuck Norris describes human beings as "a sociable holder for blood and guts".
- Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
- In a fight between Batman and Darth Vader, the winner would be Chuck Norris.
- If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
- MacGyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can roundhouse-kick his head through a wall and take it.
- Aliens DO indeed exist. They just know better than to visit a planet that Chuck Norris is on.
- Jack Bauer tried to use his detailed knowledge of torture techniques, but to no avail: Chuck Norris thrives on pain. Chuck Norris then ripped off Jack Bauer's arm and beat him to death with it. Game, set, match.
- Chuck Norris' first job was as a paperboy. There were no survivors.
- Chuck Norris has never been accused of murder because his roundhouse kicks are recognized as "acts of God."
- For Spring Break '05, Chuck Norris drove to Madagascar, riding a chariot pulled by two electric eels.
- When you say "no one's perfect", Chuck Norris takes this as a personal insult.
- When Chuck Norris was a baby, he didn't suck his mother's breast. His mother served him whiskey, straight out of the bottle.
- James Cameron wanted Chuck Norris to play the Terminator. However, upon reflection, he realized that would have turned his movie into a documentary, so he went with Arnold Schwarzenegger.