- Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
- Chuck Norris cannot love, he can only not kill.
- Chuck Norris smells what the Rock is cooking... because the Rock is Chuck Norris' personal chef.
- There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
- Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
- Chuck Norris uses ribbed condoms inside out, so he gets the pleasure.
- The Bermuda Triangle used to be the Bermuda Square, until Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked one of the corners off.
- Chuck Norris doesn't have disk latency because the hard drive knows to hurry the hell up.
- Chuck Norris does not teabag the ladies. He potato-sacks them.
- Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger. By yelling "Bang!"
- Chuck Norris did in fact, build Rome in a day.
- Noah was the only man notified before Chuck Norris relieved himself in the Atlantic Ocean.
- A Chuck Norris-delivered Roundhouse Kick is the preferred method of execution in 16 states.
- Chuck Norris will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be the Magnolia.
- When Steven Seagal kills a ninja, he only takes its hide. When Chuck Norris kills a ninja, he uses every part.
- Chuck Norris finished World of Warcraft.
- There are no races, only countries of people Chuck Norris has beaten to different shades of black and blue.
- Chuck Norris can hit you so hard that he can actually alter your DNA. Decades from now your descendants will occasionally clutch their heads and yell "What The Hell was That?".
- The US did not boycott the 1980 Summer Olympics in Moscow due to political reasons: Chuck Norris killed the entire US team with a single round-house kick during TaeKwonDo practice.
- Every time someone uses the word "intense", Chuck Norris always replies "you know what else is intense?" followed by a roundhouse kick to the face.
- Chuck Norris doesn't use Oracle, he is the Oracle.
- No one has ever pair-programmed with Chuck Norris and lived to tell about it.
- Aliens DO indeed exist. They just know better than to visit a planet that Chuck Norris is on.
- Chuck Norris sits at the stand-up.
- The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
- Chuck Norris invented the internet? just so he had a place to store his porn.
- Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him.