- Chuck Norris keeps his friends close and his enemies closer. Close enough to drop them with one round house kick to the face.
- Human cloning is outlawed because of Chuck Norris, because then it would be possible for a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick to meet another Chuck Norris roundhouse kick. Physicists theorize that this contact would end the universe.
- Chuck Norris is the only man who has, literally, beaten the odds. With his fists.
- Chuck Norris can be unlocked on the hardest level of Tekken. But only Chuck Norris is skilled enough to unlock himself. Then he roundhouse kicks the Playstation back to Japan.
- As an infant, Chuck Norris' parents gave him a toy hammer. He gave the world Stonehenge.
- The crossing lights in Chuck Norris's home town say "Die slowly" and "die quickly". They each have a picture of Chuck Norris punching or kicking a pedestrian.
- Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
- Chuck Norris doesn't use GUI, he prefers COMMAND line.
- MacGyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips. Chuck Norris can kill him and take it.
- There is in fact an 'I' in Norris, but there is no 'team'. Not even close.
- Chuck Norris once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.
- Chuck Norris doesn't daydream. He's too busy giving other people nightmares.
- Chuck Norris brushes his teeth with a mixture of iron shavings, industrial paint remover, and wood-grain alcohol.
- The phrase 'dead ringer' refers to someone who sits behind Chuck Norris in a movie theater and forgets to turn their cell phone off.
- In the movie "The Matrix", Chuck Norris is the Matrix. If you pay close attention in the green "falling code" scenes, you can make out the faint texture of his beard.
- For undercover police work, Chuck Norris pins his badge underneath his shirt, directly into his chest.
- Chuck Norris can win at solitaire with only 18 cards.
- Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe with eleven herbs and spices. Nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.
- Chuck Norris can access the DB from the UI.
- Chuck Norris doesn't use Oracle, he is the Oracle.
- The only sure things are Death and Taxes?and when Chuck Norris goes to work for the IRS, they'll be the same thing.
- Chuck Norris once one a game of connect four in 3 moves.
- China lets Chuck Norris search for porn on Google.