- Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
- "Sweating bullets" is literally what happens when Chuck Norris gets too hot.
- 4 out of 5 doctors fail to recommend Chuck Norris as a solution to most problems. Also, 80% of doctors die unexplained, needlessly brutal deaths.
- He who lives by the sword, dies by the sword. He who lives by Chuck Norris, dies by the roundhouse kick.
- Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.
- Chuck Norris insists on strongly-typed programming languages.
- The First rule of Chuck Norris is: you do not talk about Chuck Norris.
- Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.
- Chuck Norris is not Irish. His hair is soaked in the blood of his victims.
- Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
- Chuck Norris is the only man who has, literally, beaten the odds. With his fists.
- When in a bar, you can order a drink called a "Chuck Norris". It is also known as a "Bloody Mary", if your name happens to be Mary.
- Chuck Norris doesn't pair program.
- Scotty in Star Trek often says "Ye cannae change the laws of physics." This is untrue. Chuck Norris can change the laws of physics. With his fists.
- Chuck Norris doesn't have pubic hairs because hair doesn't grow on balls of steal.
- In the first Jurassic Park movie, the Tyrannosaurus Rex wasn't chasing the jeep. Chuck Norris was chasing the Tyrannosaurus AND the jeep.
- Chuck Norris can't test for equality because he has no equal.
- Chuck Norris once shat blood - the blood of 11,940 natives he had killed and eaten.
- Chuck Norris once pulled out a single hair from his beard and skewered three men through the heart with it.
- All browsers support the hex definitions #chuck and #norris for the colors black and blue.
- Chuck Norris's log statements are always at the FATAL level.
- Only Chuck Norris shuts down websites without due process, not SOPA or PIPA.
- Chuck Norris eats beef jerky and craps gunpowder. Then, he uses that gunpowder to make a bullet, which he uses to kill a cow and make more beef jerky. Some people refer to this as the "Circle of Life."