- Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
- Chuck Norris' dick is so big, it has it's own dick, and that dick is still bigger than yours.
- Thousands of years ago Chuck Norris came across a bear. It was so terrified that it fled north into the arctic. It was also so terrified that all of its decendents now have white hair.
- Scientifically speaking, it is impossible to charge Chuck Norris with "obstruction of justice." This is because even Chuck Norris cannot be in two places at the same time.
- "Let the Bodies Hit the Floor" was originally written as Chuck Norris' theme song.
- A movie scene depicting Chuck Norris losing a fight with Bruce Lee was the product of history's most expensive visual effect. When adjusted for inflation, the effect cost more than the Gross National Product of Paraguay.
- Chuck Norris can overflow your stack just by looking at it.
- On his birthday, Chuck Norris randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.
- Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.
- Chuck Norris once ate four 30lb bowling balls without chewing.
- MySpace actually isn't your space, it's Chuck's (he just lets you use it).
- All roads lead to Chuck Norris. And by the transitive property, a roundhouse kick to the face.
- Chuck Norris can drink an entire gallon of milk in thirty-seven seconds.
- When Chuck Norris does division, there are no remainders.
- The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
- Chuck Norris doesn't need to use AJAX because pages are too afraid to postback anyways.
- Chuck Norris doesn't throw up if he drinks too much. Chuck Norris throws down!
- Chuck Norris likes his coffee half and half: half coffee grounds, half wood-grain alcohol.
- There are only two things that can cut diamonds: other diamonds, and Chuck Norris.
- Nothing can escape the gravity of a black hole, except for Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris eats black holes. They taste like chicken.
- Chuck Norris crossed the road. No one has ever dared question his motives.
- Aliens DO indeed exist. They just know better than to visit a planet that Chuck Norris is on.
- Chuck Norris did not "lose" his virginity, he stalked it and then destroyed it with extreme prejudice.
- Chuck Norris won super bowls VII and VIII singlehandedly before unexpectedly retiring to pursue a career in ass-kicking.