- Chuck Norris' programs never exit, they terminate.
- Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.
- "Sweating bullets" is literally what happens when Chuck Norris gets too hot.
- Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
- Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
- Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
- A man once taunted Chuck Norris with a bag of Lay's potato chips, saying "Betcha can't eat just one!" Chuck Norris proceeded to eat the chips, the bag, and the man in one deft move.
- Chuck Norris doesn't need an account. He just logs in.
- When Chuck Norris calls 1-900 numbers, he doesn't get charged. He holds up the phone and money falls out.
- Some people like to eat frogs' legs. Chuck Norris likes to eat lizard legs. Hence, snakes.
- Chuck Norris can delete the Recycling Bin.
- It's widely believed that Jesus was Chuck Norris' stunt double for crucifixion due to the fact that it is impossible for nails to pierce Chuck Norris' skin.
- Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
- Kryptonite has been found to contain trace elements of Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks to the face. This is why it is so deadly to Superman.
- The Drummer for Def Leppard's only got one arm. Chuck Norris needed a back scratcher.
- Code runs faster when Chuck Norris watches it.
- The original title for Star Wars was "Skywalker: Texas Ranger". Starring Chuck Norris.
- There is no Esc key on Chuck Norris' keyboard, because no one escapes Chuck Norris.
- 'Icy-Hot' is too weak for Chuck Norris. After a workout, Chuck Norris rubs his muscles down with liquid-hot MAGMA.
- Movie trivia: The movie "Invasion U.S.A." is, in fact, a documentary.
- Chuck Norris doesn't have disk latency because the hard drive knows to hurry the hell up.
- The truth will set you free. Unless Chuck Norris has you, in which case, forget it buddy!
- Chuck Norris uses ribbed condoms inside out, so he gets the pleasure.