- Not everyone that Chuck Norris is mad at gets killed. Some get away. They are called astronauts.
- Chuck Norris never goes to the dentist because his teeth are unbreakable. His enemies never go to the dentist because they have no teeth.
- Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.
- Chuck Norris can unit test entire applications with a single assert.
- When God said, "let there be light", Chuck Norris said, "say 'please'."
- Chuck Norris doesn't wash his clothes. He disembowels them.
- Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger. By yelling "Bang!"
- Chuck Norris can be unlocked on the hardest level of Tekken. But only Chuck Norris is skilled enough to unlock himself. Then he roundhouse kicks the Playstation back to Japan.
- Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him.
- Chuck Norris can solve the Towers of Hanoi in one move.
- Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.
- Chuck Norris is his own line at the DMV.
- Chuck Norris doesn't use GUI, he prefers COMMAND line.
- Chuck Norris runs on batteries. Specifically, Die Hards.
- A high tide means Chuck Norris is flying over your coast. The tide is caused by God pissing his pants.
- Product Owners never ask Chuck Norris for more features. They ask for mercy.
- Each hair in Chuck Norris's beard contributes to make the world's largest DDOS.
- Tom Clancy has to pay royalties to Chuck Norris because "The Sum of All Fears" is the name of Chuck Norris' autobiography.
- Chuck Norris does not code in cycles, he codes in strikes.
- Chuck Norris' house has no doors, only walls that he walks through.