- When Chuck Norris makes a burrito, its main ingredient is real toes.
- Chick Norris solved the halting problem.
- Project managers never ask Chuck Norris for estimations... ever.
- When you play Monopoly with Chuck Norris, you do not pass go, and you do not collect two hundred dollars. You will be lucky if you make it out alive.
- A Chuck Norris-delivered Roundhouse Kick is the preferred method of execution in 16 states.
- Chuck Norris once challenged Lance Armstrong in a "Who has more testicles?" contest. Chuck Norris won by 5.
- Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.
- Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Chuck Norris once and he will roundhouse kick you in the face.
- Chuck Norris can judge a book by its cover.
- Chuck Norris can believe it's not butter.
- When Chuck Norris calls 1-900 numbers, he doesn't get charged. He holds up the phone and money falls out.
- Chuck Norris does not kick ass and take names. In fact, Chuck Norris kicks ass and assigns the corpse a number. It is currently recorded to be in the billions.
- Crime does not pay - unless you are an undertaker following Walker, Texas Ranger, on a routine patrol.
- Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.
- Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... A suicide.
- Newton's Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick.
- When Chuck Norris does division, there are no remainders.
- According to the Bible, God created the universe in six days. Before that, Chuck Norris created God by snapping his fingers.
- Chuck Norris does not wear a condom. Because there is no such thing as protection from Chuck Norris.
- Once you go Norris, you are physically unable to go back.
- Faster than a speeding bullet... More powerful than a locomotive... Able to leap tall buildings in a single bound... These are some of Chuck Norris's warm-up exercises.